> I'm fine and things went fine, though my anxiety has been really bad recently. Mayhaps it's because of the monster energy I bought. I haven't had monster energy in like half of a year so I might be struggling with the higher caffeine content, though I did have celcius more recently (a few months ago). Who knows. Hopefully it gets better soon though.

> Been having some fun on Wakfu during the weekend :P mostly worked on levelling my chars and finally made it to lvl 160 and getting to the Upper Slopes which I really liked. I'm a little sad about Ullu though cuz I really like him so I kinda hope the Zinit interactions won't be the last but they probably will be :/ Either way.... maychance might selfship with him......... I mean I already have selfshipped with him but his backstory has made me care about him a little more >_>

> There's this one person in my guild who pops in every once in a while to do various things (everyone else is on Neo - including him most of the time) and he's pretty chill. From what I remember about him he's like 30something and I think still lives with his mom but who am I to really judge.

> There's also this random person I met while looking for the zombowabbit archmonster and he offered to level with me which was pretty chill. Whenever we're on at the same time he sometimes asks me if we should run a dung together which has been fun.

> I also have a friend whom I actually met through TikTok first who I play Wakfu with sometime.

> I really like the Wakfu game. Of course I still love the show and everything but the game is really fun. I might draw my Wakfu ocs more. I drew one of them today while high for an anatomy practice which was fun.

> 4 Year College hasn't been that bad honestly, I was super anxious and depressed leading up to it and I'm still pretty anxious and depressed now but I've been coping and it's been okay.

> One of my friends hasn't been responding to me ever since I was an asshole to her on Tuesday, which makes sense I guess but I'm still a bit anxious. I don't know how much my words have affected her and I have apologized but I guess if she wants to cut it off it'll be fair. I dunno I want to work away from the worst possible outcome because I know it's really obsessive and negative but the last time I thought a bestie was "just busy" he actually was drafting like 3 paragraphs on why we shouldn't be friends anymore and waited a month to send it to me.

> I guess I'm just anxious and the fact that my anxiety surrounding friendships has a solid 80% chance of being right kinda freaks me out a lot.

> Anyways I have to wake up at 5am tomorrow for a class so it'll probably be a few days before I write again. I'm not super excited for my Friday classes. I'm actually not super excited about most of my classes. I guess I like my Intro to Network and Security and my one programming class but apart from that the other 3 have disappointed me so far. Especially with their AI usage. One of my teachers makes us use LLMs as part of the course which I find a little stupid but Oh Well.

> I've also continued reading SBR again :3 I'm on volume 9 or so I think, after HotPants has been introduced and it's been nice. I like how it's been going and I'm really excited to see it animated in March.

> If I can figure it out I want to try to make a calendar-themed tab on the side for my diary so I don't have to scroll so much.

> Ok orientation wasn't that bad just mostly boring. I got there 30 minutes early which was really awkward and I did consider killing myself multiple times at the beginning but I chilled out when the food I ate settled and we got to walk around and stuff.

> I got to go into a group with other computer science majors and I met a bunch of other ppl who were like me, specifically 3 people were really chill and I got along with well. ONE OF THEM KNOWS ABOUT WAKFU AND LOVES JJBA TOO!!!!! Super happy about that! I added them on Discord so maybe we'll be friends or something idk... anyways it was chill after I started to get to know other people and I think I'm about mentally ready to start going to college

> Something that was mildly interesting was that a lot of the students in our computer science group were French international students, like half of them spoke to eachother in French. Which is pretty cool I guess.

> Anyways I'm gonna play some more wakfu and mentally prepare myself to start waking up at the crack of dawn to get to classes on time >_>

> I've been kind of stressed out worrying about college and stuff but the wifi is back now :) I'm watching House while playing Wakfu which is really helping me calm down, though I'm not too happy that I have to go to sleep so early to wake up at 5:30AM on a Saturday :(

> If I remember (and don't randomly die during it) I'll update on the college orientation tomorrow.

> Ok I'm editing this on my phone for a different reason... MY WIFI IS OUT!!! I'm using a hotspot so I can get a little bit of use out of my laptop but it's barely able to open a webpage let alone play Wakfu... I was really hoping to play Wakfu today cuz I'm anxious about my college orientation but I can't really so I'm gonna try to find another way to deal with my anxiety. I think I'm gonna try out making a theme for my game and then play Minecraft or draw.

> I took a nap while watching JackSepticEye's gameplay of Little Inferno to hopefully sleep through the worst of the cramps. I did and woke up to some random chicken and rice dinner from my dad :P. I'm probably not gonna focus on learning Java until classses start up again - mostly cuz one of my classes has an entire section on learning Java. Currently thinking about Secco and Cioccolata from JJBA and I think I need to rewatch those episodes of part 5 sometime to get a proper refresher but I'm eating a sugar cube rn thinking about them. I love having stupid comfort ships :P.

> Ok my mom got a migrane so my dad came home early and got me my new glasses frames so I'm happy about that. I think I'm gonna try making these entries more of a habit because I have a bad memory and maybe I want to remember things for once. I'm watching House right now (specifically season 6 episode 22) and thinking about making a House edit maybe. It's really hot in my room and I'm getting really bad period cramps right now so everything feels uncomfortable. Thinking about making an art or OC tab to share my art or OCs. I also wanna share art I got from other people so idk how I'm gonna organize that.

> Oh I also just found out I thought I was gonna start classes a week later than they really are. I start classes next week. Isn't that exciting. I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. I know it'll probably be all good and everything but I'M NOT READY FOR THE END OF MY CHUD LIFE AND THE BEGINNING OF MY LOCK IN LIFE!!!! I need to learn how to drive at some point because these bus schedules are gonna KILL ME before these cramps do.

> Ok I'm not sure when I'm gonna get my new glasses frames because my mom doesn't wanna go get them. I think I'm just gonna take the bus over there next week or something. Speaking about the bus I am not excited to have to ride it every other day for a semester straight... ugh....

> Anyways I'm gonna talk about my Wakfu OCs and gameplay for a bit after I finish rearranging this page :3 Also I recently watched a House episode about a woman who had a blog and it kinda made me think about this, even though this is not fully a blog. Just something I wanted to mention.

> OK idk how to start this but I really like my how I've set up my main OC/self insert's haven bag. Their name is Solaris (ingame name is DisPlayss) and they're a Xelor, and I'm sure my love for Xels shows in the haven bag lolz >_>

> It's kinda hard to show the entire bag in one screenshot but this is the entrance tile, I'm kinda going for a little bit of a maximalist look which does show better throughout the bag

> This second area is my workbench area!! They're all the large workbenches or whatever which I spent like a week straight locking in to make... very proud of that btw. It took forever bruh

> This next area might be hard to see but it's just some decoration :3 Also I bought most of the stuff like the statue of Nox and Harebourg cuz I never defeated them in the event

> This is the final area! It's the sleeping area which is where I AFK the most :3 Sometimes I like to imagine this is my real room or something like that >_>

> Next I'm gonna show my other OC Val's (ingame name Val-Tine) haven bag!! I mostly use her haven bag for farming so she only has like 2-3 tiles of stuff.

> This is the only area of her bag that's fully decorated :3 There are 2 other tiles that don't have garden gems just have some lightly decorated workbenches :3 I really tried to match the vibe I was going for her character here as a very girly Eniripsa

> And I don't remember how much I decorated my OC Party's (ingame name Partyrock) haven bag, but I'll look and show it anyways!!

> I don't really think this matches Party's overall vibe but I think it still fits some of her personality and backstory, like that she's an Iop from Brakmar. Still pretty nice but I honestly prefer to mostly main Solaris or Val LOL

> If it's not obvious yet I HAVE sold my soul to this game and do buy the booster every single time I get online... There are probably better ways to play with more than one character but uhh I don't care I'll just keep coughing up 7 bucks every month LOL I've already gave this company like hundreds of dollars buying merch and supporting the season 5 kickstarter.

> Ok time to show off everyone's looks and costumes :3

> So these first of Solaris' outfits are their "main" outfits, AKA their first outfits I liked enough to draw consistently. Yes their default outfit is drawn a lot (mostly, I swear I'll show how I draw them at some point)

> These next two outfits are mostly for fun :3 I wish I didn't go through an episode during the Halloween and Christmas events so I could've done more and drawn more but yeahh these are still pretty fun outfits.

> I mostly draw Val in their 2nd outfit but it's still fun to put her into more girly outfits like the 3rd one. I might draw the 3rd one sometime

> I mostly draw Party in her 2nd outfit but I've been wanting to draw her third outfit. Also her hair isn't canon I just tried it with the Iop update

> Detox (Xelor) isn't part of my main Wakfu OCs at the moment, but used to be on my main team before Val replaced them. I'm also gonna add that I also have an Osamodas OC but she doesn't have an in-game character cuz I deleted it :/. At some point I might buy a class change for Detox cuz they're a pretty high level I just don't play them cuz I already have a fully built Xelor on my team

> I LOVE ROCK (Ouginak) I really found myself loving the Ougi gameplay but I'm still gonna keep Party as my main close-up fighter cuz I prefer Iop gameplay slightly more than Ougi gameplay. I don't really do much with Rock desig-wise though

> I think Vanity (Foggernaut) is my least played character, though I do find myself becoming more interested in Fogger gameplay :3 Also I think out of all of my Wakfu OCs Vanity is the one who is drawn the most off-model

> Now I'm gonna show my Neo server OCs :3 I don't really have them super cusomized but I like some of them

> My main 3: Disgambler (Ecaflip), Nerdy (Iop), and Warped (Eliotrope). I thought I wouldn't really like playing Eca or Elio but I actually really enjoy it a lot :3 Nerdy does a lot of carrying though. I think after the Neo servers I'm probably not gonna play them 24/7 but I would enjoy running some dungeons with this team.

> These other 3 I mostly made to take advantage of the fact that I wouldn't have to buy more character slots to keep my Neo characters (I think) LOL. From left to right it's Honored (Enutrof), Humorous (Osamodas), and After-Midnight (Scarier). I like Honored's design but apart from that I'm not sure what to think about the gameplay for these three so I might change their classes later. I have played sac before and idk if it's really my thing but I wanted to expand my horizons.

> I actually really like playing my main Neo team a lot, and I like the change in gameplay with the Neo server. It sucks I went through an episode when it started but at least I can still enjoy the Neo servers a little before it ends in Febuary. I think after the Neo servers I'm gonna work on learning how to strategize Xel and Eni properly because I haven't really given their mechanics full attention. I do need to work on learning more about Eca and Elio though, especailly Ecaflip cuz I actually like playing it (surprisingly). Idk I enjoy this game a lot. I also wanna work on leveling my professions fully on the main server. I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT ON THE NEO SERVER OMFGGGGG.... I already have level 100 in all harvesting profs on the main Rubilax I don't wanna do that shit again.

>Anyways I can't wait to give this game more of my life and soul by spending 20 million hours leveling these stupid video game characters

> Okay I'm editing this on my phone but I just wanna say some things. I can't believe it's been like 2-3 days since I edited this. Some things have changed slightly.

> I hung out with 2 of my friends on the afternoon of the 11th :3 We watched robots and ate pizza (I mostly ate pizza. It was thin crust I love thin crust) and I also modded my friend's 2ds which was nice. They did accidentally trigger my intrusive thoughts but it was okay and I was able to ignore it mostly. We also tried to convince my friend to watch JJBA >:3

> General life updates I am getting a new mattress it is expanding on my floor right now because my old mattress has rips in it. Idk how to feel about a new mattress cuz I'm used to firm mattresses but maybe a less firm mattress would be good for like all of my limbs. Also started my period yesterday. Also I'm getting my new glasses frames today/tomorrow. Nice cuz I think downgrading my prescription has been very bad for me.

> Hobbies update I am learning Java. I gave up on Javascript and I was gonna try to make a 2ds app but honestly I think I need to give that idea space until I actually know what I'm doing with myself. So I'm gonna try making Java projects and learn Java. Also I've been playing Wakfu a LOT recently. I might come back with an update where I just info dump about my time on the Neo server. It's gonna be weird to look back on these entries cuz I barely remember anything I do or think in my life. Weird. Also the last two Youtube ads I had were in Spanish and I'm a lot high so it kinda freaked me out.

> I kinda wanna talk about what makes me happy for a moment. There's a lot of things that make me happy but I think I specifically need things I can reliably fall back on with reduced intrusive thoughts. I think my main comfort show is House MD cuz it's one of the few shows I want to watch when I can't find the right time to watch anything else. I think my comfort fandom spaces are JJBA and MLP. The spaces are so toxic sometimes but the fact that there's a large community makes me very very very very happy. I think my comfort games are Minecraft and Wakfu. For obvious reasons. This is weird to say maybe but I thinky comfort OCs would be my Wakfu OCs. I love to draw my Wakfu OCs when I'm down. I think I may have covered all of my bases. I would put Pokémon here but one of the games gives me a really bad repetitve intrusive thought so I can't call it a comfort until the thought leaves me alone.

> If it isn't obvious from my webpage at the moment.. I have been putting off learning ANYTHING about javascript..... All of the tab stuff on my pokemon and stamp sections are sections of javascript I borrowed from w3schools and I wanna learn how to do it myself at some point... so why not try tonight?? I'm not sure what to make yet but I'll figure it out as I go, I kinda wanna try making a small webpage game or something because I think that would be fun :3

> I'm also going to be hanging out with my friends tomorrow! I kinda wish I didn't make those plans because I'm super tired and depressed recently but I'll still go through with it. We're planning to go out and get some pizza and watch Robots at my house which will be fun maybe :3

> I've also been getting back into Wakfu recently!! :3 I might make Wakfu stamps but I would probably have to convert clips into gifs if I wanted to make gif stamps though -_-... I've also been playing the game recently, mostly to help a friend run some dungeons but it's refreshing to get back into the game after like a 4 month break. If anyone who sees this happens to play the game I usually play on Rubilax under the player user DisPlayss :3 I recently played on the Neo Rubliax servers and made some new Wakfu ocs. I might share the artwork somehow but I haven't bothered to make an art gallery tab yet... -_- which is mostly because I'm not super confident in my artwork and I'm kinda considering how private I should make this website, cuz I was hoping to separate it from my main online persona. It's not like I'm some celebrity there's probably only like 10 people out there who would recognize my username and connect who I am and even then none of them have anything to use against me but I guess I just prefer knowing what little friends I have aren't aware of this profile. Weird.

> I BROKE MY GLASSES :((((((

> Despite me breaking my glasses frames though I'm really lucky because the ppl who made my glasses still make the same kind of frames so I can just get new frames and it'll be covered by insurance and everything. When it broke though I was literally AT MY LIMITTT and honestly I've been tired for the rest of the day because of that -_- got nothing I wanted to do done today and I'm gonna have to watch my baby siblings tomorrow moring...

> Oh also I finished watching Pluribus, I somehow didn't pick up the fact that it was made by the same guy who made Breaking Bad until I started watching tiktoks about the show and then suddenly everything made a lot of sense LMAO. I'm a little sad that I probably won't be seeing season 2 until 2027 or 2028 but I'm still interested to see where the show goes... oh also Carol haters DNIIII god forbid a woman in media isn't nice all the time after her fucking wife dies and the world is taken over by aliens...

> What's kinda funny is I actually remember seeing a clip of the show on tiktok a few months ago and I saw so many ppl complain about how Carol was a "karen" and stuff and it was kinda hard to get it out of my head while I was watching the actual show so I found myself disagreeing with some of Carol's decision making and I'm not saying she's perfect but looking back she's like really realistic for the situation going on. Whenever I found myself disagreeing with Carol's attitude I thought about if I would react the same if Carol was played by a man and it really set me straight. Yes Carol is mean to the hivemind but also the hivemind inadvertently killed her wife and tried to manipulate her with an irl version of her OC!! Carol is flawed and human and that's what makes her a genuine opponent against the hivemind WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ANTAGONIST. Also I feel like a lot of the hivemind defenders don't understand how the hivemind works it's not like every person coming together it's a creature that functions as a database of all of the things it inhabits while being able to control multiple people. It's fucking PluriGPT dude...

> But yeah I'm not really in the mood to write anymore about myself or my opinions but I feel like a lot of hate on Carol in the show is deeply rooted in misogyny but SOME men are never ready to hear it

> I kind of want to play pokemon right now but I also really want to go outside. Not to do anything. I just want to go outside for a bit. Honestly I kind of miss my childhood home because of the backyard. This new one is nice and it's not bad at all but there's not really a backyard, just a front and back padio. I missed being able to just be outside in the grass and I didn't know it was something I would miss that much when I moved. I don't think I miss much else though, I made lifelong friends and memories in the few short years I've been at my new home, and I do like how we're close to a cool forested park now, I just wish I could properly enjoy the outdoors without worrying about other people.

> Im listening to music and I thought the fire alarm going off was part of the music but uhhh it's not... should I take it seriously or assume my parents smoked in the alarm again.

>I have the shittiest spatial awareness ever it wasn't even coming from inside the house and it's done now so whatever. I really wanna cut my hair.

> I'm not sure how much of a blog or diary person I am, but I thought I would give it a try while I had this site. I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about on this, but I suppose I can talk about anything thanks to the anonymity that comes with a brand new username on the web - given that the one friend who knows of this site doesn't use it against me. If you're seeing this hi bro you know who you are ur awesome.

> I've been more anxious than usual recently. I suppose there's no frame of reference but usually I'm not this anxious about everything. I think. Maybe it's because I'm staying inside at home all the time while I wait for the new semester to begin. But I hate waiting. And I'm so anxious about going to this 4 year. I know I'm probably 110% in but I'm anxious that they won't get my transcript or it'll come in late and they'll kick me out despite already paying for the tuition. I'm so anxious about it I've been putting off buying books because I'm still convinced I'm not in yet even though they probably wouldn't be telling me to buy books if I wasn't in. Also can we talk about how much bullshit college prices are I've already dumped like 4.2k into this fucking school and they want me to give them even more money?? What the fuck man. At least I have a ton of money saved from community college but still. It's crazy stupid.

> And that's not the only thing I've been anxious about - sort of. I've also recently just been freaked out about little things. I'm constantly worried about bugs in my room, and I sometimes get thoughts I don't want to think of because if I do think about them they'll just get worse. I've also been anxious about losing things. I have an important little blanket I call blankie and every time I do the laundry or go to the bathroom I always get the feeling like my blankie is there when it isn't, and I have similar thoughts about my phone too but I think that's because I dropped my phone in the toilet one time so I'm just anxious about it happening again.

> Honestly I'm not sure what to do with this website yet, I sort of assumed I would just randomly come up with it but honestly I'm not much of a creative person. Maybe I should do something interesting and then post about it here. I was thinking something minecraft related, maybe minecraft builds or minecraft block palettes. I like minecraft. I also want to post about my selfships and my interests. Like a shrine or something. I've also been wanting to get back into writing recently but I can never find the energy to really get into it. Who knows. I'm always too neat to do anything fun anyways.

> A lot of people I know are kind of freaking out at the idea of turning 20 this year. I guess I am too. Or at least I'm telling people I'm freaking out about it. I think the only thing I'm aware of is that I don't have any job experience or a drivers license yet. I'm going to try to get a drivers license this year though. That's mostly because Rohan from JJBA can drive and he's 20 in part 4 and he's cool. I'm also considering driving off a cliff with a shitty facebook marketplace car as a form of suicide because I think I'm not old enough to legally own a gun. Either way I'm pretty okay with turning 20. Or maybe I'm not. I don't really know. I remember I would cry a lot leading up to my 18th birthday. After my 18th I realized how anticlimactic it was. I just wish I wasn't living in the same house as the rest of my family, mostly just because I feel like I'm burdening and disappointing them. Though it makes me a bit sad I'll never experience freedom. Whether it be my family in the next room over or a job to afford my own place, I'll always have something holding me back from my ideal life. I don't really know what my ideal life is though.

> I just rewatched the House episode where Kutner kills himself and it made me think about when I watched a sad edit about his death and I thought to myself that I wanted to go out like Kutner. Maybe I want to go out like him because people cared about him after he died.

> I've been thinking about the major I've been going into recently. Computer science, cybersecurity. I don't know how lucerative the field is and I probably shouldn't be taking just advice from my mother who has been unemployed her entire life but she always shot down my other ideas and I kind of just want to make her happy. Though it makes me a little upset every time someone talks about going into a non-stem major or even when someone talks about going into a major they like. It makes me a little upset that this is my one life and I'm spending it studying something that I don't even really like. I like computer science. I'm no good at most of it. I think my favorite subsection of computer science is game design. But it's okay. I can go into cybersecurity and just do game design in my free time. Though I'm not creative and I'm no good at it.

> My tongue hurts and idk why